No Going Back
by Sandjewel
Summary: Oneshot. Leafpool hears of Crowfeather and Nightcloud's news: they're having kits. But her heart is still sore from what they once had together. Can she handle knowing this, or will it tear her apart? Very dark, very ooc, just a warning.


_Yes, I realize Leafpool is EXTREMELY VERY ooc here. I just felt the need to write this, give her a dark side, ya know? ;) I don't own Warriors._

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**No Going Back**

Night was hanging over the camp, thickly, for the green-leaf heat had parched the landscape. I lone cat sat at the border between Thunderclan and Windclan, letting the cool water from the brook tickle his paws. His dark gray fur blended in with the shadows around him, but the moon was casting its silver glow on his face, giving his features a foreboding look. Blue eyes gleamed, reflecting the great orb hanging above him.

"Crowfeather?" A voice called from the darkness. "What are you doing here?"

He recognized the voice instantly. It was the cat who had been haunting him for a few seasons. She was a good friend, and had comforted him when he had returned to Windclan without Leafpool's love, heartbroken. But she had grown more and more attached to him. He, having nothing to hold onto; nothing to love, had spent his time with her, but mostly just to feel wanted. To feel needed.

Very slowly, he turned his head. Right now, he just wanted to be alone. She was disturbing his rare moment of peace, to think about the past. "Nightcloud? What do you want?" He meowed, a bit more harshly than he had intended.

The gray she-cat shrunk back, as though stung. Her yellow eyes glowed with confusion. "I-I-," she began.

But Crowfeather cut across her, his heart melted by her innocence and pathetic fear. "I'm sorry. It's just that I needed some time to be left to myself."

Nightcloud looked back up, relief plain on her face. "Oh, I understand. It's just that I have something I want to tell you. I know you haven't had much happiness for a long time, but at last, I believe I have the news to cheer you up."

Crowfeather's paws scuffled with the mud in front of him, his head bowed. He knew that nothing Nightcloud could say would bring him glee. He was broken, and he knew it himself.

She took a deep breath. "I'm going to have kits, Crowfeather. Your kits."

Immediately, his face shot up and his eyes met hers, narrowing. His mouth hung open awkwardly, for he was at a complete loss for words. Finally, he contorted his gape into what he hoped was a convincing smile. "Con-Congratulations."

Nightcloud beamed, and she seemed to radiate warmth and happiness. But he could share none of it. As the warrior bounded away into the blackness, he stood, turning his head in the direction of Thunderclan once more. This was a disaster. He had always wanted kits, but not with her. He didn't love her, and never would, no matter how hard he tried.

* * *

Leafpool hissed in frustration as she spilled mouse-bile on her paws. "Mouse-dung!" Rising to her paws, she flicked her tail to Longtail. "Well, you are done." As the ginger elder nodded and left the medicine cat den, she padded out of to the camp entrance, her mind crammed with thoughts. _Why am I so distracted today?_

But she already knew the answer in her heart, though she tried to deny it. Crowfeather was a Windclan cat, and she was Thunderclan. Besides, she was a medicine cat! It could never work, she knew that! Then why did his handsome face keeping popping back into her head? His great blue eyes, hiding the tragedies of his past. His dark fur, like the shadows of the twilight. His muscles rippling under his thin build, running along beside her...

"No!" she said out loud. Pausing to scent the air, she realized that there was a sweet tang of Windclan upon the breeze. She halted in her tracks. Trapped in her own mind, she hadn't realized where her paws were taking her. Instinctively, they must have been heading toward the Windclan border, where she so desperately wanted to go. _Well, there is a stream there,_ she thought. _I can wash off this foul stuff._

When she arrived at the small brook, which was running slowly because of lack of rain, her heart began thumping quickly. The scent of Windclan was strong, but she was used to it now. It was familiar, almost beautiful. As she dipped her paws in the water, her ears suddenly pricked. A Windclan scent was fresh in this area, from just last night! And it wasn't just any cat. Backing away a few mouse-lengths, she gazed out over the border, to the rolling brown hills beyond.

Pawsteps interrupted her. With a gasp, she saw a dark gray, almost black body appear from around a gorse bush. His face was grim and mournful, and he stared at Leafpool with barely disguised longing.

"Crowfeather! I didn't expect to see you here!"

"Nor did I expect to see you. Why are you so close to our border?"

Leafpool staggered as she took a few hasty steps forward. "I needed to wash mouse-bile off my paws!

"You could have done that much closer to Thunderclan. Don't lie to me. I know you better than that."

She gulped. "I didn't mean to come here. My paws just sort of took me this way."

He searched her face quietly, looking for something else, but it was indistinguishable. "So," he mewed slowly, trying to break the icy silence. "Is Thunderclan recovering from the badgers?'

"Yes, how are things in Windclan?'

Crowfeather sighed. "Fine." He looked desperate to tell her something. And then he blurted it out, unable to contain it. "Nightcloud's having my kits."

"Oh." Her voice grew suddenly cold as flames of rage pierced through her. "Congratulations." Without waiting for his reply, she stalked away from the border, her tail drooping, leaving Crowfeather alone, looking more dejected than before.

* * *

Leafpool kicked the rock, and it sailed through the air before landing with a splash in the lake. It had been a moon since she had spoken to Crowfeather, but her anger was still fresh. No matter what she did, she could not get rid of it. She felt more isolated from the Windclan warrior than ever before, and her heart ached and throbbed with dull pain. But hate was picking its way over her the holes inside her, filling them with loathing.

How could this happen? He was hers! There was no room for other she-cats in his life. That Nightcloud cat was a monster. But suddenly, a thought crept into her mind, taking over everything else she had: common sense, kindness, reasoning, virtues. Everything was swept away. She was filled with a burning desire, a terrible passion. She unsheathed her claws and turned her paws in the direction of the Windclan camp. Tonight. She was going to do it, tonight, under the cover of the moonless sky.

* * *

Nightcloud's eyes grew wide as she stared at the cat that loomed over her in the darkness. The tabby's voice spoke, so icy that it was unreal.

"You have taken him from me. He was mine, only I was denied of him because of the oath I took long ago. But now, none of that matters."

Leafpool's heart was torn and bleeding, but she still managed to feel a consuming hate. "I detest you Nightcloud. And because of what you have done, I will never allow you to bring these kits into the world. They will not get a chance at life, because I never got my chance."

The gray queen began to tremble as she watched the paw hover above her, claws extended, holding her life by a thread.

"Good-bye fool." And in a voice smaller than a whisper, she added, "Those should have been my kits."

And with a swipe of her claws, it was over. Leafpool did not stay to see the blood that began to seep onto the floor. She was already running. Running past trees and flowers and fields. Running away from her past and her mistakes. Abandoning all she had ever known and loved. It was done. Her back was turned away from Starclan as she fled, forever. There was no going back.


End file.
